Yesterday, like the cold chill of the misty and rainy weather in Graskop, those words cut me. The icy blade of word-surgery tore me open like a gutted fish, my insides laid bare for the vultures to gorge on.
“I don’t mean to pry, but…”
I knew what was coming.
“No, please go ahead. I am an open book.”
A whole book, available to read for all the world if they so desire to purchase a copy, I thought.
“Are you gay?”
Tired, covered in mud from climbing through caves, looking like the last Neanderthal man, I didn’t have the energy to explain the inner workings of identity, how it is formed, and why nobody is actually LGBTQ, except in their heads, that is.
“Yes.”
“Oh, here in Graskop, we accept anyone.”
Why, thank you, I thought, as if my value were determined by another’s acceptance.
Later, I read the commentary on John 3:16, wondering if I should go to Wonderview in the rain, since yesterday’s adventure to God’s Window had been replaced with an underground cave tour. David Guzik’s, Enduring Word, note on believes in struck me: “Believes in means much more than intellectual awareness or agreement. It means to trust in, to rely on, and to cling to.” The phrase haunted me. Why do we cling to things that are untrue? Why do we desperately rely on narratives,- like the construct of sexual orientation- when neither science nor Scripture affirms them?
The science is clear. The Word of God is clear. And yet, rather than take the underground adventure into the data-caves of our minds, we simply grow our stalactites and stalagmites of familiarity, boxing and labelling others through the same cavernous postal service that delivers letters of societal conformity.
I wanted to scream yesterday: “No, I am not gay. Never was supposed to be, but things happened that led me to believe it was so. But I refuse to continue in that icy cave of empty hollowness.” Like the roots etching patterns into the underground rock, resembling the skin of an elephant, I too am carving a new neuropathway of identity, one not formed by human coercion, but by Christ.
I wanted to cry out: “Can I please just be a boy on an adventure holiday without someone assigning me an existence based on preconceived notions and labels that ‘fit’ only because others say they should?”
But instead, I chose to cling to Jesus, the love of my life, the One I do not deserve, yet the One who saved me when I had nothing left. Without Him, I would not be alive for others to other me with manufactured labels of identity. I choose to believe in, to rely on, and to cling to the real, lived experience of encountering Jesus. And that experience is available whether I am zipping through treetops in the mountains, navigating muddy rapids bouncing across rocks, or standing in such absolute darkness in underground caves that I cannot even see my own hand.
In those moments of pure obscurity, Jesus is always closer than a brother, the light I rely on when nature is so dark that even breathing seems disturbing. I am who Jesus says I am. And now, I must prepare to be thrown off a cliff clinging to nothing but a rope. Funny, that: the scarlet rope, the rope beyond all ropes (https://www.gotquestions.org/scarlet-thread.html).
The Science of Identity and Sexuality
The absence of same-sex attraction in DNA reinforces the idea that it is not an inherent genetic trait but rather a product of external environmental factors, including epigenetic modifications caused by diet, stress, trauma, and societal influences. While epimarkers can shape gene expression, they do not rewrite biological reality, meaning human sexuality is not predetermined by genetics.
Twin studies provide compelling evidence for this. Identical twins share 100% of their DNA, yet they do not always share the same sexual orientation. In a large-scale study in Sweden, researchers found that while there was some epigenetic influence, environmental factors played a significantly larger role.¹ If sexual orientation were innate, every pair of identical twins would either both be gay or both be heterosexual, but this is not the case. This discrepancy suggests that non-genetic factors are the primary drivers of same-sex attraction.
Epigenetics offers insight. Scientists have proposed that external conditions, such as prenatal hormonal exposure, endocrine-disrupting chemicals, and early childhood experiences, can influence sexual development.² However, epigenetic markers do not create a fixed orientation; rather, they interact with an individual’s psychological and social environment, reinforcing or reshaping behavioural patterns over time.³
(https://mds.marshall.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1337&context=etd)
Furthermore, developmental psychology highlights the impact of childhood experiences, trauma, and social conditioning in shaping sexual identity.⁴ Some studies show that up to 93% of LGBTQ experienced childhood sexual abuse: “Using developmentally-based criteria to define sexual abuse, 93% of participants reporting sexual contact with an older or more powerful partner were classified as sexually abused” (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213492900878).
The vast majority of studies show that at least 3/4 of individuals who identify as LGBTQ have reported histories of sexual abuse, rejection, or attachment wounds, which may contribute to how their sense of self develops.⁵ These findings align with biblical truth, humans are shaped by the fallen world around them, yet transformation is possible through renewal of the mind (Romans 12:2). Proverbs 2:22 (NIV) begs a profound question regarding childhood experiences that train us for good or bad, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Like myself, how many are shaped by negative experiences that became a perceived “truth”? Many it seems. At least that is what the science confirms.
Clinging to Truth, Not Labels
Science confirms what faith has long known, identity is not fixed by biological determinism but is deeply influenced by experience, belief, and transformation. Neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, further supports this, showing that thought patterns and behaviours can change with time, intention, and truth.⁶ Just as we are not prisoners of trauma or addiction, we are not prisoners of imposed labels of identity.
So, when I am flung off the cliff today, harnessed only by a rope, I will cling not only to that physical lifeline but to the greater truth that anchors me. The truth that my identity is not in the labels given by others, nor in the epigenetic markers influenced by a fallen world, but in the One who has called me by name.
As Rahab clung to the scarlet cord (Joshua 2) that saved her family, I cling to Christ, the One who rescues, redeems, and redefines identity itself.
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
In a world of shifting identities and fleeting truths, I cling to You Lord Jesus, the One who defines me. Lead me through the shadows of doubt and deception, anchoring me in Your unchanging Word. Heal the wounds shaped by false labels, and renew my mind with Your truth.
Let me trust in You alone, finding my identity not in the voices of the world but in Your love and purpose for me. Strengthen my heart to walk boldly in faith, always clinging to You, my rock and redeemer.
In Jesus’ Holy name,
Amen.
References
1. Långström, N., Rahman, Q., Carlström, E., & Lichtenstein, P. (2010). Genetic and Environmental Effects on Same-Sex Sexual Behavior: A Population Study of Twins in Sweden. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 39(1), 75-80. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-008-9386-1
2. Balthazart, J. (2011). Minireview: Hormones and Human Sexual Orientation. Endocrinology, 152(8), 2937–2947. https://academic.oup.com/endo/article/152/8/2937/2457479
3. Rice, W. R., Friberg, U., & Gavrilets, S. (2012). Homosexuality as a Consequence of Epigenetically Canalized Sexual Development. The Quarterly Review of Biology, 87(4), 343-368. https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/668167
4. Wilson, G., & Rahman, Q. (2005). Born Gay: The Psychobiology of Sex Orientation. London: Peter Owen Publishers. https://www.amazon.com/Born-Gay-Psychobiology-Sex-Orientation/dp/0720613094
5. Roberts, A. L., Rosario, M., Corliss, H. L., Koenen, K. C., & Austin, S. B. (2012). Childhood Gender Nonconformity: A Risk Indicator for Childhood Abuse and Posttraumatic Stress in Youth. Pediatrics, 129(3), 410-417. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/410
6. Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. New York: Penguin Books. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/300672/the-brain-that-changes-itself-by-norman-doidge/
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