Loneliness is the paradox of our age: we are surrounded yet alone. Sherry Turkle observes, “We are lonely but fearful of intimacy. Digital connections may offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship.”¹ In this wilderness, connection becomes a mirage. Zygmunt Bauman explains, “The patterns of dependency loosen up and the bonds of communal solidarity are decomposed.”² But as a Christian navigating a multicultural world, I’ve come to know this wilderness intimately. People hold as many judgments of Christians as they do excuses to reject Jesus. Coupled with the pressure to reflect Christ faithfully while contending with one’s own sinful nature, solitude becomes both a retreat and a necessity—a space to draw from God’s presence and gain strength.
Historically, community provided refuge from isolation. When Robert Putnam recalls how “a powerful tide bore Americans into ever deeper engagement in the life of their communities,”³ he points to a time when shared spaces fostered connection. That tide has now ebbed, leaving many feeling adrift. Brené Brown challenges us to rebuild these bonds, saying, “True belonging requires us to be who we are, but that requires vulnerability, not the safety of isolation.”⁴ Vulnerability, however, feels risky. I often reflect on Jesus’ words: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first” (John 15:18). These words remind us that walking with God often involves tension, but they also invite us to find peace in His presence.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer speaks to this tension, writing, “Christian community is not an ideal we have to realise, but a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.”⁵ Yet loneliness is not just relational; it is also spiritual and psychological. Julianne Holt-Lunstad quantifies its stakes, finding that “social relationships and mortality risk are intimately tied, with isolation carrying risks comparable to smoking or obesity.”⁶ Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo echo this, observing, “Loneliness shapes not only our mood but also our biology.”⁷ Could this wilderness, however painful, be an invitation to rediscover God’s presence? Henri Nouwen sees solitude as transformative, saying, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation.”⁸ In solitude, God reshapes us—not for isolation but for communion.
Fay Bound Alberti describes loneliness as “a modern epidemic born of individualism and disconnection.”⁹ James K.A. Smith offers hope, reminding us, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you.”¹⁰ Yet restlessness often persists in solitude. Don’t we all cling to flawed patterns of thought because they feel familiar? As the saying goes, “better the devil you know.” But when we reduce God to a mere concept, we miss the joy of knowing Him personally. Solitude, when chosen intentionally, becomes an opportunity to encounter God. Meng-Wai Lim and David Gleaves confirm, “Chosen solitude heals, but imposed loneliness harms.”¹¹ This echoes Christian practice: “The joy of being alone with God transforms solitude into communion.”¹² How might we embrace solitude as preparation, not escape?
The wilderness of loneliness also calls us outward. Brené Brown asks, “Are we brave enough to walk through the wilderness to find belonging?”¹³ Vulnerability is crucial, as Bell Hooks explains: “To love is to mix vulnerability and strength.”¹⁴ Timothy Keller reminds us of the ultimate source of belonging: “In Christ, we find the ultimate belonging.”¹⁵ These truths challenge us to move from solitude into community.
Even so, the Church must reclaim its role as a haven for the lonely. Leslie Francis highlights the effectiveness of “church-based support groups for combatting loneliness, particularly among the elderly.”¹⁶ Paul Tournier suggests that loneliness stems from “confusing the world of things with the world of persons.”¹⁷ Are we, as Christians, prioritising the wrong world?
John T. Cacioppo underscores the stakes, arguing, “Social connection is a fundamental need, not a luxury.”¹⁸ Fay Bound Alberti warns, “Modern life hardwires loneliness into our routines.”¹⁹ The Church of England provides a simple yet profound solution: “Actively reach out to others, even in small ways—it transforms isolation into relationship.”²⁰ These acts of connection, from a shared prayer to a kind word, reflect God’s call to community.
Solitude, however, remains essential. The Seattle Christian Counseling team observes, “Solitude allows us to reconnect with God and reorient our lives toward His purpose.”²¹ Similarly, the Cumberland Centers Blog reflects: “In solitude, we find clarity to understand our place in God’s story.”²² Ed Diener and Martin Seligman confirm that “the happiest people are those with strong relationships that nurture their sense of purpose.”²³ Loneliness is not the end—it is a bridge. In solitude, we encounter God; in community, we reflect His image. Will you take the first step, trusting that God walks beside you through this wilderness?
Practical Steps for Communion
1. Reclaim Solitude
Solitude is not isolation but an opportunity for spiritual renewal. Henri Nouwen explains, “Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. It is the place of conversion, where the old self dies, and the new self is born in Christ.”²⁴ Use these moments for prayer and reflection, allowing God to transform your heart.
2. Build Community
True connection begins with small acts of kindness. Arthur Brooks writes, “Happiness is not achieved through independence but through our dependence on one another.”²⁵ Engage with your local church, reach out to a neighbour, or simply listen to someone who needs to be heard.
3. Risk Vulnerability
Vulnerability is the bridge to deeper relationships. Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”²⁶ Be willing to share your struggles with trusted individuals who can walk with you in faith.
4. Reflect on Purpose
Solitude helps us align with God’s purpose for our lives. N.T. Wright observes, “When you are being called by God, you are being asked to trust in a future you cannot see, but which God has prepared for you.”²⁷ Reflect on how God’s story shapes your role in loving others and serving His Kingdom.
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
In the wilderness of loneliness, draw us close to You. Remind us that You walk beside us, even when we feel isolated. Transform our solitude into sacred communion and teach us to embrace vulnerability as a path to connection. May Your Spirit guide us to reflect Your love in our relationships, to bring comfort to the lonely, and to step courageously into the purpose You have prepared for us. Help us find rest, joy, and strength in Your presence.
In Your Mighty Name, Messiah Jesus,
Amen.
References
1. Sherry Turkle, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other (New York: Basic Books, 2011).
2. Zygmunt Bauman, Liquid Modernity (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2000).
3. Robert D. Putnam, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000).
4. Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone (New York: Random House, 2017).
5. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: HarperOne, 1954).
6. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B. Smith, and J. Bradley Layton, “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-Analytic Review,” PLOS Medicine 7, no. 7 (2010): e1000316.
7. Louise C. Hawkley and John T. Cacioppo, “Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms,” Annals of Behavioral Medicine 40, no. 2 (2010): 218–227.
8. Henri J.M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life (New York: Doubleday, 1975).
9. Fay Bound Alberti, “Modern Life is Lonely: We Are Hardwired to Need Other People,” The Guardian, December 16, 2017.
10. James K.A. Smith, You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2016).
11. Meng-Wai Lim and David R. Gleaves, “Correlations between Solitude, Loneliness, and Psychological Well-Being in Adults,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 29, no. 6 (2010): 620–643.
12. The Quiet Joy of Being Alone with God, Abide in Love. https://www.abideinlove.com/wp/?p=1180.
13. Brown, Braving the Wilderness.
14. bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions (New York: William Morrow Paperbacks, 2000).
15. Timothy Keller, The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith (New York: Riverhead Books, 2008).
16. Leslie J. Francis et al., “Assessing the Effectiveness of Church-Based Support Groups for Combatting Loneliness in Older Adults,” Mental Health, Religion & Culture 17, no. 2 (2014): 120–135.
17. Paul Tournier, The Meaning of Persons (Richmond: John Knox Press, 1957).
18. John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2008).
19. Fay Bound Alberti, A History of Solitude, The Guardian, March 19, 2020.
20. Dealing with Loneliness and Isolation: Five Top Tips. Church of England. https://www.churchofengland.org/resources/mental-health-resources/dealing-loneliness-and-isolation-five-top-tips.
21. Solitude and Communion: A Christian Counselor’s Perspective. Seattle Christian Counseling. https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/articles/solitude-and-communion-a-christian-counselors-perspective.
22. Embracing Solitude: Overcoming Loneliness – A Christian and Psychological Perspective. Cumberland Centers. https://cumberlandcenters.org/blog/embracing-solitude-overcoming-loneliness-a-christian-and-psychological-perspective?format=amp.
23. Ed Diener and Martin E.P. Seligman, “Very Happy People,” Psychological Science 13, no. 1 (2002): 81–84.
24. Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry (New York: HarperOne, 1981).
25. Arthur C. Brooks, Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt (New York: Broadside Books, 2019).
26. Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (New York: Avery, 2012).
27. N.T. Wright, After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters (New York: HarperOne, 2010).
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